im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize