Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
