Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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