I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
