Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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