Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
