I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
