I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize