"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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