I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
