Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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