You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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