And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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