Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
