Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize