There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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