ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
