So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
