That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
