I will die if light touches me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
