Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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