goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
