Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
