u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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