A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
