So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
