How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
