we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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