She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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