Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
