I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize