Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
