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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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