my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
