So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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