The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
