You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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