If that was your dad, he is hot
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
