she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
