Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
