Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize