Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
