Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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