New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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