we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
