it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My hand turned me down
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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