summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
