They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
