As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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