he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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