sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
