sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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