He kissed a someone with a penis
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
