At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
