So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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