I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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