I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
