My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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