I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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