One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and she was petting her beer can
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
