I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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