She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize