It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
