my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
