he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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