Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
