Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
