just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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