So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
