if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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