All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
