Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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