i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No subtext here. People are naked.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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