Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
