so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
