well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
