Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
