just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize