You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
