3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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