sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
