it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
