Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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