bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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