we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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