I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
