Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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