She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
