WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
