If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
