i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
