So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Green mimosas i think yes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
