think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
