So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
