All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
