Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize