So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
