Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
