I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
