I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
