I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
